Last night I cried myself to sleep I was just
sad. Simply couldn't switch it off. My first post for 2013
was supposed to be inspiring and enlightening. I wanted to share something
interesting at least.
But lately I've been feeling stuck and awfully overwhelmed and tired. Last
night I just cracked. I was crippled by negative energy that I was
fueling. I regretted going a History and Philosophy degree. The Oxford
Dictionary offers this definition of Philosophy, "the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and
existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline."But last
night it was the study of nonsense and the fact that I
excelled at the study of nonsense made me cry even harder.
Once again I had back myself into the corner of self-doubt.
It often seems that @ 25 I have no idea what I want to do and I haven't
accomplished anything.
This morning in the already too bright orange light of the
sun (its going to be another scorcher and I am already dreading the trek to NHT
and back for lunch) I feel better. Things are clearer now.
These are the absolutes of my life. I accept that
the purpose of life is expression. I am wholly responsible for my choices and
actions.
Writing and research are my basic tools . This is
what I am intrinsically motivated to do and these are the tools I must use to
expand my life. This is easy to
write and even easier to say, to act requires discipline and commitment and
thus far I've been resisting.
I must now actively use my skills to produce on the creative
plane to expand my life. With this I resolve to just be me for I am enough.
This is where my happiness lies
PS: Thank you Boo boo, for
returning and staying.
